The Obligatory Drabble Series
by Icy Sapphire15
Summary: Doesn't it seem like everyone has a drabble series? Well...here's IcySapphire's take on hers. Contains: gen., het., yuri and yaoi. Every single one will also be a songfic. 1.ItaSasu 2.Gen 3.KakaIru 4. InoSaku, ShikaSasu, ShikaSaku, SasuIno. Enjoy!
1. Dirty Little Secret

Every decent fanfiction writer has to have a drabble series, right? Right?! Well, I figured that was as good an excuse as any to start my own drabble series. And here to help me is Iruka and Kakashi!

Kakashi: Why are we here? This one is about Itachi and Sasuke. They should be here instead of us.

Good idea! -snaps fingers and instead of Kakashi and Iruka, Iruka, Kakashi, Itachi and Sasuke appear-

Iruka: -elbows Kakashi before he can say anything- But...but...

-grins evilly- Now now children, if you behave, I'm making cookies.

Itachi: Pah. Cookies.

They're peanut butter. Want to do my disclaimer?

Itachi: IS owns neither Dirty Little Secret, nor the characters/groups/other things mentioned within. Now where are my cookies dangit?

Sasuke: Shouldn't you warn them about the...oh I don't know...UCHIHACEST!!

Hmmm...good point. If males getting it on, if Sasuke getting it on, or if Itachi getting it on irritates you or squicks you, then you really don't wanna read about Itachi and Sasuke getting on **together**, do you?

* * *

Dirty Little Secret:  
  
_'Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you' _

"Aniki..." Itachi felt the whisper of his partners petal soft lips against his throat rather than heard it. Sasuke was cuddled up to Itachi, almost- almost, but not quite- demanding to be spooned. Itachi granted his request. After all- anything for his little brother. Itachi smiled and petted Sasuke's hair...reveling? in the time that they had left. Itachi had to leave the next morning. He was lucky that Kisame loved him enough to keep the meetings between brothers secret, even if Itachi couldn't- didn't- recipricate his love.

_'Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know'_

"And remember Sasuke-kun. Orochimaru is not to know anything about our meeting. I have a feeling that he wants you as more than a future host body." If it had been anyone but Itachi, there would have been more than the slight empahsis on 'not'.

However, Itachi's voice very rarely went above the soft volume he used with everyone. Still, Sasuke shuddered slightly, before nodding his ascent. "Of course Aniki. I was simply on an extended training trip."  
Itachi smirked his chilling smirk. "That's right ototou-chan. Very good." With that Itachi sent Sasuke on his way and after watching Sasuke disappear, went off to meet Kisame. It wouldn't do for Itachi to be late.

_'I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Who has to know'_

At their next meeting,Sasuke bore bruises on his body, and his cursed seal was flaring ever so slightly. 'He knows.' Itachi felt neither anger, nor fear. Orochimaru and Itachi had been lovers before Orochimaru left Akatsuki. Itachi was slightly annoyed that Orochimaru had dared to mark what was rightfully Itachi's and he casually added another bruise, somewhere that Orochimaru wouldn't notice. Sasuke just cowered, whimpering that he hadn't told Aniki, he hadn't told anyone that they'd met and slept together again.

_'When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you'_

Sasuke cuddled into Itachi's chest and Itachi stroked his hair. In a moment of kindness, he had pleasured Sasuke before taking the younger man. Now, Itachi stroked his hair and let Sasuke have his comfort. They would have to part again before long.

_'Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know'_

"Ototou."  
"Aniki?" Itachi watched amusedly as Sasuke's eyes lit up at the sight of him, and Itachi could **feel** the desire to just run into his arms emintating from Sasuke. "Why are you here Aniki?"  
"Even though Orochimaru split from us, we often have...similar goals as him. I was sent here to talk to Orochimaru."  
Itachi watched with growing amusement as Sasuke's face fell. "Did you think I was coming to see you Sasuke?"  
Sasuke refused to look up and instead just walked away. Itachi chuckled and made sure Sasuke wasn't anywhere nearby before transporting himself out. It was just so much fun to torture his foolish little brother.

_'I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Who has to know'_

Kisame looked at Itachi as Itachi popped back to his side. "Have fun?" He asked, his voice growling slightly.  
Itachi chuckled maliciously for a moment longer before calming replying, "Yes. My foolish little brother believes that I care for him the same way he cares for me."

_'The way she feels inside (inside)  
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)  
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)  
And all I've tried to hide  
It's eating me apart  
Trace this life out'_

Itachi, before slaughtering his entire clan might have felt bad about manipulating his younger brother, but this new Itachi was amused at how easily Sasuke spilled his guts to him. How much closer Sasuke was becoming to him. How love had turned to hate and back into a more perverse and twisted love. Itachi loved every little bit of it, especially how eager to please and earn his brother's approval Sasuke was. It was almost sad that Sasukedeluded himself into thinking that Itachi loved him back as much as Sasuke loved Itachi. That never failed to bring laughter to Itachi.

_'I'll keep you my dirty little secret_  
_(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret)  
I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret) _

Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret'

"But why! Why can't we let everyone know of our relationship! I'm all ready a missing-nin, I'll come with you to Akatsuki. I'll work hard and make you proud to call me your team member and your lover. Please aniki!"  
"No."  
"But...but..."  
"I said 'no' Sasuke."  
"Fine! I'll tell everyone then! Just think of what they'll say. Your reputation will be smeared as effectively as mine. If I go down, you go down too aniki."

_'Who has to know?  
who has to know?'_

'Who has to know indeed.' Itachi wiped his dagger off on his foolish little brother's shirt and slipped it back into concealment against his waist. "Foolish little brother. You got too attached and you paid the price." Itachi calmly walked off to meet with Kisame to organize their plan of attack against the Kyuubi holder. After all- it wouldn't do for Itachi to be late, now would it?

* * *

-pulling cookies out of the oven- Mmmm...fresh baked peanut butter cookies.

Sasuke: -Uchiha death glaring everything in sight- I loathe you.

Naruto: Sasuke!! You...you...cheating bastard! -slaps Sasuke and runs wailing into Iruka's arms-

Sasuke: Naru-chan!! I wouldn't...I didn't...I DON'T WANNA SLEEP WITH MY BROTHER!!

Naruto: -glares at Itachi- Kyuubi won't even come out of his room. He told me to tell you that if you love your brother more than him, the you and he are through.

Itachi: -panics and glares at IS- How could you let Kyuu-kun see that?! He hates me now!!

-ignores them all- Well...Uchihacest aside, what did you all think of it? If you review, and tell me how OC or IC the characters were, I'll give you some fresh baked peanut butter cookies. That goes double for anyone who can/ is willing to tell me if Sasuke calling Itachi 'Aniki' is fanon or canon.


	2. Love Me or Hate Me

I'm doing this solo tonight, because Tsunade is a drunk, Orochimaru is creepy, my judges have enough to do, and I'd unleash my inner bitch on Sakura.  
Warnings: Swearing. REALLY bad swearing. Look at the song I used.  
Disclaimer: Nothing fun this time. Sorry. Me no own, you no sue. Any questions?

* * *

"Welcome to, drum roll please, Konoha Idol!" An announcer's voice boomed over the loudspeakers. The lukewarm crowd cheered half-heartedly. "You can do better than that you lazy sons of...OH!! The microphone is still on, hehe..."

In the ensuing silence, a ninja with long brunette/blonde hair half sang, "Awkward." (1) "All right then..." One of the judges adjusted his hands free microphone (2) and coughed. Further inspection revealed it to be Iruka. "If Tsunade is finished putting her foot in her mouth, let's begin. Kotetsu, who's first up for tonight?"  
It was Izumo who answered everyone's favorite teacher's query. "We have Harano Sakura-san up first, singing Love Me or Hate Me by Lady Sovereign." After he annouced Sakura, Izumo leaned over to Kotetsu and whisper-asked, "Why are we here again?"  
"Iruka blackmailed us so he wouldn't be alone." Kotetsu whispered back.  
"Oh yeah. Why is he here again?"  
"Money."  
"Ohhhh."  
Iruka shot the duo a filthy look as Sakura strutted on stage, wearing a skimpy crop top and a pair of low rise hip huggers. From the sound room came a strangled shriek as Tsunade caught sight of her pupil's outfit. Sakura merely licked her lips and began to sing, in a halfway decent voice, the song she'd chosen. She was prepared for the screaming because her father had seen her before she could sneak out. He was at home right now, taping her and trying to figure out the censor bar on the TeVo.

_Yeah.  
I dunno.  
Make way for the S.O.V._

_Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.  
Love me or hate me, that is the question.  
If you love me then thank you!  
If you hate me then fuck you!  
I'm fat, I need a diet.  
No, in fact I'm just too light And I ain't got the biggest breast-s-s,  
but I write all the best disses.  
I got hairy armpits, but I don't walk around like this  
I wear a big baggy t-shirt that hides that nasty shit.  
Ugh!  
Never had my nails done.  
Bite them down until they're numb.  
I'm the one with the non-existent bum,  
Now I don't really give a...Ugh!  
I'm missing my shepherd's pie  
Like a high maintenance chick missin' her diamonds.  
I'm missin' my clippers lighters.  
Now bow down to your royal highness.  
No I don't own a corgi,  
Had a hamster, it died cause I ignored it.  
Go on then, go on report me,  
I'm English, try and deport me!_

_Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.  
Love me or hate me, that is the question.  
If you love me then thank you!  
If you hate me then fuck you!_

_I'm that funky little monkey with the tiniest ears.  
I don't like drinking fancy champy,  
I'll stick wit Heineken beers.  
Whoops, might burp in ya face,  
A little unlady-like,  
What can I say?  
Well oh gosh I'm not posh, male with odd socks.  
I do what I'm doing, yeah!  
So everybody's entitled to opinions,  
I open my mouth and shit I got millions.  
I'm the middle kid, the riddle kid,  
I'll make you giggle till your sick  
Cause my nose jiggles while I spit.  
Yeah I do have some stories  
And its true I want all the glory.  
Go on then, come on support me,  
I'm English, try and deport me!_

_Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.  
Love me or hate me, that is the question.  
If you love me then thank you!  
If you hate me then fuck you!_

_Love me or hate me  
Love me or hate me_

_So I can't dance and I really can't sing.  
I can only do one thing,  
And that's be Lady Sovereign!  
So I can't dance and I really can't sing.  
I can only do one thing,  
And that's be Lady Sovereign!_

_Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.  
Love me or hate me, that is the question.  
If you love me then thank you!  
If you hate me then fuck you!_

_Love me or hate me Love me or hate me  
Love me or hate me I can only do one thing,  
And that's be Lady Sovereign!_

She belted out the last phrases and took a bow. She anxiously awaited the ruling from the judges, certain that it was good from their shocked looks. "Well, Sakura-chan..." Iruka began, "Your singing wasn't bad..." Here, words seem to fail him and one of his other judges had to take over.  
"Er...Sakura-san...how do I put this..." Izumo hemmed and hawwed.  
"Your singing wasn't bad, but your dancing left far too little to the imagination. Combined with the skimpy outfit, we all saw far too much." Kotetsu said rather bluntly. "Oh...But...But...I THOUGHT THE DANCING WENT WELL!!" Sakura sobbed, her (stuffed) bosom heaving. She ran off stage crying as Tsunade announced the next act.  
"Next we have Orochimaru, singing 'I Feel Pretty'."  
The crowd applauded a bit more actively because in their tiny minds, anything was better than Sakura's act. A collective shudder went through the crowd as Orochimaru made his way onto the stage.

* * *

Hey! Congrats! You made it to the end! Leave a review? If you do, you have the choice of...cross-dressing Orochimaru with a microphone, or scantily clad Sakura with a microphone plushies.

(1) I am, of course paying homage to my loverly Nringa and Weird Hobos. PM her and ask about it. Just say I sent you.

(2) Do they even have those? I've never seen an episode of Idol. So shoot me. -ducks several bullets- IT'S AN EXPRESSION!!


	3. I'll Cover You

Hello! Welcome to another drabble, by your favorite psycho music lover!

Disclaimer! Done by myself for once! -whispers- I decided to let the boys have the night off. Well, all of this is fan-written. After work, and before bed.

I would like to take this time to say thank you to Simple Minded Idiot. I have a better thank you on the way my friend! Enjoy!

* * *

**'Live in my house, I'll be your shelter  
Just pay me back,  
With one thousand kisses  
Be my lover - I'll cover you.'**

Kakashi remembered well the day that Iruka had first shyly asked Kakashi if he wanted to share an apartment.

_Even thought they had been dating for a couple of months, Iruka was very shy and skittish talking to Kakashi about personal topics. So it was with much amusement that Kakashi noted Iruka trying to steer their conversation into the topic of housing. "You...you know Kakashi-san, (Kakashi for the life of him could not get Iruka to stop adding the -san at the end of his name at first. It was rather endearing really.) I can only afford a small apartment on a chunnin's salary, and I know that even if you can afford a rather large apartment, you're never there so your apartment is rather sparten and cheerless...So...Ifyouwant,Kakashisan,wecouldpoolourmoneyandbuyanapartmenttogethe. But only if you want."  
__Kakashi laughed. "Iruka-chan, slow down and I'll probably agree to whatever has __you so nervous."_

**'Open your door, I'll be your tenant  
Don't got much baggage, to lay at your feet.'**

Kakashi remembered almost as well as the sight of his adorable, bumbling chunnin asking him if he wanted to live together the surprise on said chunnin's face when the two started moving into their new apartment.

_"Is that all you have?!" He had exclaimed, politness forgotten.  
"Yes? I know its not much, but you did say that I lived spartenly, ne?"  
__"Kakashi-san...How did you ever manage to survive on your own? Oh! Forgive me for being rude..."  
__"Iruka-chan, we're living together and we've been dating for four, five months. You don't have to worry about being rude to me anymore. It's OK."  
__"Kakashi-san...I mean, Kakashi-kun, it's going to be a hard habit to break. I've __spent the majority of my life being polite like I was taught. I can't help it..."  
__"Then we'll work on it. Together."_

**'But sweet kisses I've got to spare  
I'll be there and I'll cover you.'**

Kakashi thought fondly on the first kiss Iruka had iniated. It was right after Kakashi had come home late, battered and exhausted from a mission.

_"Iruka-chan, I'm finally-"  
__WHAM! Kakashi found himself slammed up against the door. He would have winced, but Iruka's mouth was on his, and it was moving, and were those tears running down his cheeks? He wasn't crying...Iruka-chan was though. Then Iruka was yelling something about how he, Kakashi, needed to be more careful, and to not be so late, because he, Iruka, needed him. Kakashi did the only thing that made sense. He pulled Iruka close again with the last of his strength and kissed him again. All over his face. "Iruka-chan, I would have been home sooner if I could. __I really, truly missed you. And I need you too." Then he fell into Iruka's loving arms. "Let's get you cleaned up Kakashi-kun," was the last thing he heard before falling into a deep, deep sleep. _

**'I think they meant it  
When they said you can't buy love  
Now I know you can rent it  
A new lease you are my love,  
On life - be my life'**

_Kakashi was looking for the perfect present to give to Iruka. He giggled happily, imaging what would make his secret love the happiest. 'A stuffed dolphin? He might like one…You think _everyone_ would give him one, but all of my stalking has shown no sign of a dolphin…'  
__Kakashi bought the biggest, cuddliest dolphin he could find. He left it on Iruka's bed with a small card. He knew that he couldn't buy Iruka's love, but maybe, someday, they would be more than colleagues._

**'Just slip me on I'll be your blanket  
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat.'**

_"Ahhh! Kakashi-kun!! That's cold!" Iruka laughed as Kakashi stealthily slipped a handful of snow down the back of his shirt.  
__Kakashi just laughed. He kept on laughing right until Iruka threw a snowball __into his face. "Ha! Take that Mr. Smarty-Pants!"_

_Kakashi stopped laughing in favor of wiping the snow off his face. "So it's a war you want? A war you shall get!" He picked up a handful of snow, packed it in the shape of a harmlessly blunted shuriken, and practiced his dodging skills while doing the delicate packing. When the shuriken was finally finished, __Kakashi vowed that Iruka would go down._

_After their impromptu fight, Kakashi was shivering and soaked. Iruka had barraged him mercilessly while Kakashi had shaped kunai, senbon, and shuriken.  
"Silly Jounin. You shouldn't have wasted all that time trying to make shaped snowballs." Iruka teased him.  
__Kakashi only shivered in response. Iruka slipped off his warm winter jacket and tenderly draped it over Kakashi's shoulders. They walked home together, with __Iruka in his turtleneck and Kakashi wrapped up in Iruka's jacket._

**'You'll be my king,  
And I'll be your castle.  
No, you'll be my queen,  
And I'll be your moat.'**

_"Iruka-chan, I'll always take care of you. Forever and a day."  
__"Kakashi-kun, it's just a-AAAAAACHOO! - a cold."  
"Yes, but it's my fault you're sick. If you hadn't given me your coat, you wouldn't have caught this cold. Besides, you also have a fever."  
__"I'll be fine. Remember, I wouldn't accept my coat back either. Now go take a mission. With me stuck at home until my fever disappears, we need _someone_ to make some money."  
__"Ok, but nothing outside the village. You need someone to help you get better." _

The memories just kept coming faster and faster and there was nothing Kakashi could do to stop them.

**'I think they meant it  
When they said you can't buy love  
Now I know you can rent it  
A new lease you are my love,  
On life - all my life  
I've longed to discover  
Something as true as this is'**

"_Iruka, I think you may be the best thing that's happened to me."  
_"_Kakashi-kun, wouldn't life be the best thing to happen to you?"  
_"_No- well, yes, but only because you're in it. You are my reason for living. You're my reason for waking up each day. I've always believed in the fairy tale of true love."  
_"_Kakashi-kun…Underneath it all, you're just a big romantic."  
_"_Didn't you wonder who left you all those presents?"  
_"_That was you?!"  
_"_Well, yes. I didn't want to try and buy your love…but I wanted to make you happy. And so I tried to make you happy, because you being happy makes me happy."  
_"_Come here you." Iruka cuddled happily into Kakashi, and Kakashi stroked his hair lovingly. _

**'So with a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you  
When you're worn  
Out and tired  
When your heart has expired'**

_Everyday when Iruka came home, if Kakashi was home and conscious, he would share his day. His day was usually interesting. After all, he worked with students learning how to be ninja. It was bound to be interesting. __On really bad days, when Iruka was doubting himself and his abilities, Kakashi would give him a massage. It relaxed Iruka and gave Kakashi a chance to help bolster his failing self confidence. Peppering kisses on the tense shoulders, and later on the lax and butter soft muscles, Kakashi helped Iruka find his self-worth again. The agreement was that Iruka would do the same for Kakashi if he ever saw Kakashi in that situation. _

_However, Kakashi was crafty, and never let his lover see him in his moments of self-doubt. Kakashi knew Iruka had enough to worry about, and was afraid that worry for his lover would consume his heart entirely._

**'If you're cold and you're lonely  
You've got one nickel only  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you'**

"_Kakashi-kun...I have some bad news..."  
Kakashi paused before he put down the kunia he was polishing. "Yes Iruka-chan?"  
__"The Acadamy fired me. The Hyuuga clan and several other prominent clans don't think I'm doing a good enough job teaching their children. They look at the Sasuke and Naruto incidents as my fault all ready. The Hokage is behind me, but being new and unknown by many of the younger ninja, she needs all the help she can get. I don't blame her, but now I'm out a job." Iruka started to cry and __Kakashi quickly moved to his side. "I haven't been out in the field in years...What good will I be? I know I should have kept up my training, but working with the children was my life! What will we do now? Being a regular chunin doesn't pay as well as my teaching did, and it's nothing compared to what we need!"  
__"Iruka-chan, listen to me. You train. We have our savings, and I can support us until we can figure out something better. I'll always be here for you. In sickness, and in health. In rich times, and the poor times too. We can make this work."  
Iruka looked up at him, crying. "Are you sure?"  
__"Yes." Kakashi kissed him and held him close._

**'Oh lover I'll cover you, yeahhhhh  
Oh lover I'll cover you.' **

"Hakate Kakashi will now deliver the speech he wrote for this occasion."  
Kakashi jolted in his seat, and stood up. He walked up to the podium that the Hokage had so recently left, and cleared his throat. "Umino Iruka was something different to all of us." He began.

Behind him lay the covered body of his lover. His cold, dead lover. Flowers were strewn across the coffin, with a huge bouquet of Iruka's favorite lilies in the middle. Kakashi would not be the only one mourning today, but he was the one who felt the pain the keenest. And the irony of the same clans who denounced Iruka and therefore played a role in his death out sitting out there among the mourners at Iruka's funeral.

"He loved his work. He loved his students. He loved the boys he adopted, in a way, as his own. But perhaps most of all, he loved me." Kakashi quickly left the podium, his speech finished. The mourners sighed, or cried, as Kakashi felt himself tearing up once more. Behind him, a bagpiper from a distant land started to play 'Amazing Grace'.

As they lowered Iruka into the earth, Kakashi felt them lowering his heart and knew he would never be whole again. "I'll cover you..." He whispered.

**

* * *

**

I make myself cry. -sniffles- I cried when I wrote the ending…Poor 'Ruka…Poor Kashi…Then I cried when I was fixing the formatting. WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

All right...I think that about concludes it...This is an amazing song from an amazing movie...I highly recommend it. Yeah. Go watch Rent.

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	4. Sugar We're Going Down Swinging

ZOMG! An update so soon? Could it be? Yes! It is! It's amazing!  
Sakura: Actually, Icy reread Small Avalanches, thought of this incredibly short drabble she'd all ready written one day coming home after soccer, and decided "What the hell? I did promise yuri in my series."  
Ino: -giggles- I love what the pairings she came up with are.  
Shikamaru: How troublesome. Where is he anyway?  
Shika, he's tied up in my room. Possibly buried under the mountain of crap going into my closet where it rightfully belongs. Do my disclaimer, and we shall see where he ended up.  
Shikamaru: Keh. Icy doesn't own a thing. Now where is he!!

* * *

_We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team._

* * *

She knew it was wrong- they both did. Women were supposed to do these kinds of things with men, and men were supposed to do these things with women. That was the way it was, should be, and always will be- right? Isn't that what they had been taught by their mothers and their mothers had been taught by their mothers? 

But how something so good -so right- be bad? Surely no man's tongue would feel as good as Ino's did, nor would any man's calloused fingers match those long, slim, graceful fingers.

So they watched and waited. They snuck out into the woods for "training". They waited, hoped, prayed even for the day they wouldn't have to hide behind Sasuke and Shikamaru. Of course, Shikamaru and Sasuke had their own shameful secret. They hid behind each other- teammates and friends going on double dates, or training to protect their village and their lover.

So for now, Sasuke would "court" Ino, and Shikamaru would bring Sakura home to meet his parents. Maybe someday the true couples would come out. Maybe they would continue to hide their love.

Who knows?

* * *

That was deeper than I expected it would ever get after I listened to the song. It barely qualifies for the series. Ah well. The line at the beginning works.  
Shika: You promised me Sasuke. Where is my boyfriend?  
Ooooooh yeah…-waves her hand and Sasuke pops in- There. Happy?  
Shika and Sasuke: -snuggle-  
OK. As Sakura all ready mentioned, I got the idea from Small Avalanches. It's a series of short stories focusing on women, and some of the ideas seemed…rather older. Maybe something from like, the 50's. At least that's the impression I picked up and passed on to the drabble. I hope. 

This is so short! Even with Author's Notes, it's not even a page. –sniffles-


	5. Come Together

I owe this all to Simple Minded Idiot. He's always putting up with my procrastination, and he's been the only reviewer here on so far. I lesser than 3 you!! Thanks for everything.

Disclaimer: I own neither song nor characters. Don't sue, my POS car, Annie, needs her transmission changed.

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_Got to be good lookin' 'cause he's so hard to see  
Come together  
Right now  
Over me_

* * *

Sasuke almost never saw his demonic lover. If lover was even really the right word. Lover implied there were feelings, not just action and pain and raw brutal fucking. Sasuke's biggest clue to who his "lover" was were the nine tails that held him down. The demonic aura was too much for him, but occasionally those tails…They violated him, they made him whole. He was too used to the hurt filling him up and making him a whole human again.

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"Why are you doing this to me?" He'd gasped, early on in their "relationship".

"Someone needs to do what he wants to. He's too afraid of ruining your relationship even more. He blames himself you know, for the whole power mad Orochimaru thing." The aura had rumbled.

"Ah! Wh-who has to be avenged? Who wants to do this?"

The aura had just chuckled menacingly and continued to violate Sasuke.

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Now, nearly five monthes since the demon had appeared to Sasuke, he was relishing it. He was craving the feelings of being filled and the pure carnal desire that he had for Kyuubi. He wondered if Naruto knew that Kyuubi was out doing this at least once a week, but remembering what Sakura and Kakashi-sensei had said about Naruto's "change" fighting Zabuza, he highly doubted it. Sasuke rarely thought about Kyuubi outside their meetings, and hardly thought of Naruto during them. He supposed he owed more to his biggest rival than that, but such was life. It would take something truly great to shake his thoughts up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasuke was prepared to meet Kyuubi that night, but he didn't get all he expected. Instead of the hard, painful, wonderful fucking he wanted, he found Kyuubi waiting with a smirking air about him. "The brat has been getting…curious…about me taking over. You haven't told him about my visits have you?"  
"N-no!! Of course not!!" Sasuke eagerly tried placate Kyuubi. "I followed your order exactly."

"Good boy." Kyuubi _purred_ and began to give Sasuke what he wanted. The tails acted much as tentacles would; only the fur made it all the more erotic. (1)

Suddenly, the tails disappeared, dumping Sasuke on his unsatisfied ass. "What the hell?" He asked, miffed.

"Kyuubi!! You thrice cursed fox! What the hell were you thinking?" A loud voice exclaimed.

"Only what you were kit. I was acting out your deepest desires." That voice was more familiar. That meant that the one that had stopped the pleasure was Naruto. Sasuke groaned, reminding his teammate of his presence.

"No." Naruto whispered, looking at Sasuke naked and eagle-spread on the cold floor. "Not this way Kyuubi. Not like this." Kneeling, he offered Sasuke a hand up and a blanket he'd found lying around.

Sasuke blinked, took the offered blanket and pushed himself up. "What exactly do you mean?" He demanded suspiciously of Naruto. "What do you mean 'Not like this'?"

"Nothing Sasuke." Naruto turned away from him and addressed Kyuubi again. "If you know my mind so well, then you know what I really wanted and how I wanted to carry it out! Now you've ruined everything for me." His voice broke on that last part and Naruto began to form seals to jutsu away.

"Naruto, wait!!" Sasuke called desperately. He wondered when it had become more about Naruto than the mind-blowing sex that Kyuubi provided. Or had it always been like that.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry. Kyuubi ruined it for me- for us. It's better this way." He resumed making the seals and Sasuke grabbed Naruto's arm. "Tell me. Please." He pleaded.

Naruto sighed, but stopped making the seals and ran his free hand through his hair.

"Kyuubi knew I wanted you- he set out to ruin it for me. And now it's too late."

"No, Naruto, don't say that. It's never too late."

"It is Sasuke. It is." With those final words, Naruto turned and ran from Sasuke. He didn't get too far before a tail wrapped around his legs and brought him crashing down. "Nmmmm…" He groaned. "Kyuubi you idiot…You keep ruining it for me."

Sasuke hurried over to check on him. "Are you OK dobe?" He asked, kneeling down beside Naruto.

"See? That's why I don't think we have a chance Sasuke." Naruto turned away again.

"You really are dumb, you know that?" Kyuubi rumbled from Naruto. "I refuse to let you run from him again. You need to let him heal you and you need to heal him. Stop being dumb and give in."

Sasuke drew Naruto into his embrace. "Come on Naruto. Trust me, trust Kyuubi, but most of all, trust yourself." He opened up the blanket Naruto had draped around him and pulled Naruto into his arms. "Just give in…"

"Bastard…Wait, when did it become me and not Kyuubi?"

"Naruto…it's always been you. Even when I was with Kyuubi." Sasuke sighed. "I just never had the smarts to realize it and the guts to do anything about it."

Naruto chuckled bitterly but didn't move from Sasuke's arms. "For a genius, you really are a dummy Sasuke."

Sasuke set his chin on Naruto's head and dew Naruto's cheek to his chest. Cradling Naruto, he began to croon a lullaby his mother had always sang to him when he was feeling upset.

"…It's nice…" Naruto yawned and flushed guiltily. "Sorry…Kyuubi always make me sleepy when he takes over. Something about a shift in energies…" Naruto flapped his hand to indicate he didn't really get it or even care.

"We both need sleep. Come one, there's got to be a comfortable, or at least habitable place to sleep tonight around here." Sasuke led Naruto by the hand off to sleep and work out the kinks in their relationship(s).

* * *

Ugh. It seems so choppy, or disjointed. Sorry Simple Minded Idiot, I feel like you deserved better. Well, here it is in all its glory Sas-UKE glory. 

(1) I personally think that fur would be more erotic than…tentacle slime? But that's just me.


	6. Anything You Can Do

Haha, it's been a while kids. Miss me, hardly notice I was gone, noticed I was gone, but didn't care?  
Sasuko: Why am I here? By all rights, I shouldn't even exist.  
Naruko: Shut, Flattie McFlatflat. As Icy wills it, so it shall be done.  
Sasuko: -pouts- Just because I'm a C cup and not an E cup...  
Boys...I mean, girls. Enough all ready. By all rights, I should be in bed. Editing this was harder than it looked, so do me a big favor, stop fighting over your breasts, and do my disclaimer.  
Sasuko + Naruko -equal sign- disclaimer! N+S: Icy doesn't own Naruto, or the song she used.  
That's right. Guess it and you get fabulous cash and prizes!

* * *

Naruko stood, chest heaving, staring at Sasuke. She opened up her mouth and burst into song. It may have been at a screaming level, but it was singing. "Anything you can do I can do better."  
Sasuke stared at her, his eyes lingering a little on her chest. "...I can do anything better than you."  
She shot back at him, "No, you can't."  
He shot right back. "Yes, I can."  
They continued bickering for several minues back and forth. ("No, you can't." "Yes, I can." "No, you can't.") before Naruko yelled, "Yes, I can, yes, I can!!" Shikamaru, who was sitting nearby, rolled his eyes and muttered, "They sound like an old married couple."  
Sasuke gloated at Naruko, "Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later I'm greater than you."  
"No, you're not." Naruko rolled her eyes and delivered the statement rather matter-of-factly.  
Sasuke, incesed, yelled at the girl,"Yes, I am."  
Alas, he was to be shot down once more. "No, you're not."  
"Yes, I am."  
"No, you're not."  
"Yes, I am, yes I am!!"  
"I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge...whatever that is." Sasuke looked confused, but Naruko was more confused, so he was OK.  
"I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow. I like my bow." Naruko stuck her tongue out at Sasuke, who- not to be outdone- gloated, "I can live on bread and cheese." Naruko looked at him. "And only on that."  
"Yes." Sasuke replied, thinking that he had beat Naruko in something.  
"So can a rat." She replied simply.  
"Well, any note you can reach, I can go higher." He bragged, determined. Why he was getting into that fight with a girl, no one knew.  
"I can sing anything higher than you. Face it Sas-uke." Naruko teased him.  
"No, you can't." He sang.  
"Yes, I can." She sang a half-step up.  
" No, you can't." Not to be outdone by a female Naruto, Sasuke went up a full step.  
"Yes, I can." She went up a full step.  
"No, you can't." They continued going up, higher and higher until Naruko hit a high A. "Yes, I can."  
"How do you sing that high?" Sasuke asked admiringly. "I'm in a girl's body!" Naruko retorted, then added- "Anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper. I can buy anything cheaper than you."  
"Fifty cents." Sasuke said, naming what was ridiculously cheap to him.  
"Forty cents. Ramen is che-eap."  
"Thirty cents?" Sasuke demanded incredulously.  
"Twenty cents. I told you ramen was cheap. That was moldy ramen."  
"No, you can't." Sasuke was a little disgusted and made a mental note to sneak food to Naruto or Naruko- whichever one the kid was.  
"Yes, I can, yes, I can, yes I can rich boy."  
"Well, anything you can say, I can say softer." 'Heh, I will totally win in this contest! It's Naruto!' He thought.  
"I can so say anything softer than you." She shouted.  
"No, you can't." Sasuke stage whispered.  
"Yes, I can." Naruko used her indoor voice.  
"No, you can't." Sasuke was whispering now.  
"Yes, I can." Naruko stage whispered.  
"No, you can't." Sasuke mouthed the words and laughed. "Plus- I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker."  
"Underage drinking Sasu-chan? Haha, I can do it quicker and get even sicker."  
"I can open any safe. It's a useful skill to learn for missions. Want me to teach you?" Sasuke offered to his teammate and bedmate.  
"Without being caught?" Said overall mate snorted.  
"Sure. Offer still stands."  
"That's what I thought (you crook)." She muttered under her breath.  
"Hey!! I have a new one- any note you can hold, I can hold longer."  
"I have bigger lungs. I can hold any note longer than you." Naruko was sure she'd win.  
"No, you can't. You lack disapline." Sasuke snorted.  
Naruko took a deep breath and sang, "Yes, I can."  
"No, you can't." Sasuke countered, holding it longer.  
"Yes, I can." Naruko held it even longer, letting her (enormous) chest rise and fall appealingly.  
"No, you can't." Sasuke figured if he put all his breath into holding the note, his hard one wouldn't be visible.  
"Yes, I can, yes, I can." Naruko held the last note for minutes. (1)  
Sasuke goggled at her. "No, you can't - yes, you can. Where do you keep all that air?"  
"Guh." Naruko gulped down air and gestured at her aformentioned chest. "Gesturing at my chest, anything you can wear, I can wear better. In fact, what you wear I'd look better than you."  
"In my coat?" Sasuke pictured the big, hairy thing and shuddered. No one could look good in that.  
"In your vest." She pointed at the chunnin vest slung over one shoulder.  
"You have the same vest. In my shoes?" The sandals were the same as well.  
"In your hat." Naruko was obviously grasping at straws.  
"No, you can't. I don't have a hat." Sasuke pointed out smugly.  
"Says you." Naruko pouted.  
"Hah! Anything you can say, I can say faster."  
"I can say anything faster than you. Better lung power."  
"Noyoucan't." Sasuke's speech was blurring.  
"YesIcan." Naruko's was too.  
"Noyoucan't." Somehow, some way, Sasuke was taunting even faster.  
"YesIcan." Improbibly, so was Naruko.  
They stared each other down, willing their tongues and mouths to go faster, but they were doomed. "I can jump a hurdle. Your boobies slow you down Naruko." Sasuke smirked, then giggled. "I said boobies."  
"They mean that I can wear a girdle."  
"I can knit a sweater. Beat that."  
"Haha, you can knit. Knit me a sweater, and I can fill it better. Chesticals come in handy, no?" Naruko laughed at the look on Sasuke's face.  
"I can do most anything. There is very little I cannot do." Sasuke gloated, just to make Naruko stop laughing at him.  
"Can you bake a pie?" She challenged.  
"No." Sasuke looked rather shamefaced, because he could not cook at all.  
"Neither can I." She reassured her lover. However, anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter."  
" Um, no. I can sing anything sweeter than you." Sasuke called Shikamaru out from under the tree where he was attempting to nap. "Shikamaru-san. Come be our judge. Who sings sweeter? Me or her."  
Shikamaru heaved himself off the ground and walked over to them. "If it will shut you two up, then fine. Begin."  
"No, you can't." Naruko sang sweetly.  
"Yes, I can." Sasuke sang just as sweetly.  
After about six verses of this, the singing was so sappy that sugar would melt and sap would run dry in envy. Shikamaru half expected to see roses falling from the sky. "Enough." He finally said. "You are both equally sweet. Now take your lover's spat somewhere else and let me nap in peace." With that, Shikamaru slouched off to his tree and leaned against it.

Naruko and Sasuke looked at each other for a moment. "Hey...Wanna turn into Sasuko and see who can scream louder as a girl, wink nudge wink?" Naruko asked Sasuke.  
"You're on." So they left, hand in hand, to have a...screaming contest.

* * *

  
-stretched out on a couch- So, did you enjoy it? Notice any glaring errors that I'll fix after practice tomorrow, a warm shower, several dance moves and some notes rehersal? No, seriously, tell me if you did see any. I'm tired and tend to miss things.  
N+S: -off having their...screaming contest-  
Yeah...Lesbianism, ho! Review, please? It makes my ego swell with pride and joy. And it is a very small ego indeed. Please, do it for the ego, if nothing else!


	7. Somebody Told Me

Haku: Sapphire-san!  
SQUEE!! Cute, polite, and loyal...I heart you Haku-san!  
Haku: -blushes- Umm...Sapphire-san.  
Zabuza: Eh? Haku, who is she?  
I'm the authoress bitch! Bow down before my mighty-ness, before I make you. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ahem.  
Zabuza: Oh. Haku, stay away from her. She's psychotic and she's delusional.  
Haku: But Zabuza-sama, she's being polite. And rather...flattering.  
Zabuza: Is she hitting on you?! -growls-  
No, no. I wouldn't dare...-smiles happily- Haku-san...Do my disclaimer? Pretty please with a nekked Zabuza on top?  
Haku: -blushes and looks nervously at Zabuza- All...All right. Sapphire-san doesn't own a thing mentioned within this fic. Not me, not Zabuza-sama, not the song. She prays that someday her hopes and dreams may be realized. Thank you Haku-san! I know I promised you a nekked Zabuza so...-points at Zabuza- You! Strip! Now!  
Zabuza: What!! Why should I have to pay because YOU decided to bribe Haku with something he...wants...O.O Haku: It's OK Zabuza-sama. You don't have to strip for me if you don't want to. -blushes and turns away-  
Zabuza: -sighs at Haku's resigned face and strips anyway- Come on Haku. We're leaving this crazy broad behind. -throws Haku over his shoulder-

* * *

_"Somebody told me, that you have a boyfriend, who looks like a girlfriend Zabuza-san."_ Zabuza growled as the words spoken by Gato, that fat piece of lard, came back to haunt him. "Haku is NOT my boyfriend." He mumbled to himself. "Haku is my tool. Tool. Not boyfriend."

Kicking open the door rather surlily, he hollered, "Haku! Is dinner ready? I'm hungry"  
Haku's head popped around the curtain from the area housing both kitchen, and dining room. "Almost Zabuza-sama!" He exclaimed, his face flushed. "We were running low on ingrediants for miso and onigri, so I went shopping"  
"When aren't we running low on ingrediants?" Zabuza asked rhetorically. As a missing-nin and accomplice, Haku and Zabuza often ran low on money, food, supplies. They lived in a modest cabin, hidden up in the trees. The duo was lucky that the cabin stayed in decent condition despite being left alone for long stretches of time.

While Haku cooked, Zabuza sat down at their homemade table and polished his weapons idly. They really didn't need the polishing, but Haku was still cooking and Zabuza needed something, _anything_, to get Gato's words out of his head. The only reason Gato and his bodyguards weren't dead in a river was because Gato paid well. Well enought that the pair had a decent supply of perishable food squirreled away.

"Zabuza-sama, dinner is ready." Haku's soft, melodic voice broke into Zabuza's wandering thoughts. "Zabuza-sama, if you're weapons needed upkeep that badly, you should have said something. I was polishing my senbon earlier." Zabuza just grunted. "It was more to keep myself busy since you were still cooking when I came home." Zabuza couldn't help but notice his charge swung his hair into this face. Zabuza only really noted it because Haku almost never left his hair down. Not unless he was trying to pass himself off as a girl. Was...was Haku blushing? "Haku? I didn't particularly care that you were still cooking when I came in...I just needed something to do"  
Haku just started serving Zabuza and himself dinner.

* * *

Zabuza noticed more weird things about Haku lately. Like how he never seemed to look straight at him. Like how Haku would stare at him however, when he thought Zabuza wasn't looking. How Haku blushed whenever Zabuza was less gruff than usual with him. Even little things, like how the house was spotless, not that it wasn't before, and how Haku always had dinner on the table. Even when Zabuza went to relieve himself in the mornings, Haku would have his bed made when he got back. It was a little unnerving really. Haku seemed to do everything as soon as Zabuza thought of it, or even before.

It was so unnerving that Zabuza finally decided to have a talk with Haku at dinner, after this had been going on for a few weeks. At dinner that night, he asked Haku about this new behavior. "Why do you do this Haku? You have my bed made in the mornings as soon as I'm up, you have dinner ready even when I push in training sessions until you drop, every time that I'm somewhat nice to you, you blush....Haku, why are you doing this"  
Haku, typically, blushed and answered, "I want to be a good tool to you Zabuza-sama. That's all." After this words, he got up from the table and, muttering some excuse, left the hideout.  
Zabuza stared at the door. "Wants to be a good tool to me? But he was all ready." Zabuza sighed and decided that if Haku didn't come back by morning, he was going after him.

Haku did come in of his own accord, somewhere in the early morning. Zabuza heard him collapse on his futon and go to sleep. Zabuza's eyes finally closed. He wondered if Haku would still get up early for their usual training session.

When the sun rose, it found Zabuza sitting up in his bed. He was soon outside practicing with his sword, watching to see if Haku would come to join him. From the sounds of last night, Haku had been outside pushing himself to be stronger, harder, faster. The boy was probably exhausted. So when Haku came outside, senbon in his hip-pouch and mask in place, Zabuza was irritated and proud at once. He showed Haku only his irritation though, glowering at the masked boy. "I know what time you came back last night. What are you doing up"  
Haku replied calmly, "I came out here to train with you Zabuza-sama. Don't we always train now? Besides, you were up as late as I was"  
Zabuza growled a little. "Brat, it doesn't matter how late I was up, I wasn't working myself to the bone"  
Haku just shifted his stance a little to indicate that he was ready to begin. Zabuza dropped his sword, confusing Haku, and stalked over to him. Zabuza ripped Haku's mask off and let it fall from his hands. He took Haku's red face gently between his hands, and stared deep into his eyes. "Haku. Go back to sleep. If you won't do it as an obiedient tool to the master you serve, then do it for the man you love." At Haku's shocked look, Zabuza actually chuckled a little. "I finally figured it out. Now go back to bed"  
Haku numbly picked up his mask, apparently shamed into silence at having his secret figured out, and started back inside. Before he was entirely gone, Zabuza grabbed his arm. "Oh, and Haku..." Zabuza peck Haku before slapping his butt and letting him go inside. Zabuza was a little afraid that he'd scared Haku off completely, but maybe that kiss had given Haku a clue. "Heh...Gato was right. He knew about my feelings for Haku before even I did." He mused before picking the sword back up. He hadn't been up all night practicing after all.

* * *

-pulls a pair of binoculars from her eyes- So...How was it? I feel like I made Zabuza and Haku a little out of character, but they're hard to write in character. It's something about them...I dunno.

OK, nothing I really have to say other than review and you get: Haku plushie, Girl!Haku plushie, Zabuza plushie, if you really want, a Gato plushie, and...If you ask reeeeaaallly nicely- Hell, just ask at all, I want reviews here!- you can look through the binoculars. Zabuza and Haku didn't close the curtains...Yummeh...-goes back to looking through her binoculars- What? It's not my fault!


	8. U UR Hand

IS:*taps microphone* Hello, anyone out there to notice my disturbing lack of updates? No? Good, because Naruto seems a wee bit OOC to me in this. Just me?

Disclaimer  
IS: Here do it, is The Bartender!  
Bartender: IS doesn't own me, or Naruto, or Sasuke, or the drink. Depending on who you think the random girl is, she does own her. And the club, and a few of the guys that hit on Naruto. Other than that...She owns nothing.  
IS: Yeah, so don't sue because being in college means no $$$ for meeee!

Warnings: Chances of OOCness. Also, cheating and yaoi.

* * *

I'm not here for your entertainment .  
I was fine before you walked into my life .

It's just u and ur hand tonight  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Naruto looked around uncomfortably at the club Sasuke had dragged him too. They were here as dates, but Sasuke was currently out on the floor grinding it up with some random chick. Naruto sat at the bar, his drink in front of him. He'd been nursing the same drink for the past hour, waiting for Sasuke to remember him. He'd turned down numerous invitations to dance, even more invitations to skip the dancing and go straight to the sex, all for his so-called boyfriend. Really, that last man had been really fucking hot, what with his long dark hair and pale skin. Naruto wondered if it was too late to go find him. It was obvious that Sasuke had forgotten entirely about Naruto, judging by the way his hand was curled around that girl's ass. Naruto grimaced, downed his drink in one gulp, and decided to put an end to this. He ordered another drink from the bartender, smiled when it was promptly delivered with a wink and a nod, and grinned bigger when the bartender, a girl with her dark hair in two buns, whispered she would laugh so hard if he was doing what she thought he was.

Naruto marched determinedly out to the floor. The crowd parted when they saw him coming, his Amaretto Sunrise Crush in his hand. Everyone but Sasuke knew what was coming as Naruto reached him. The dark haired beauty who'd last hit on him at the bar and the redhead who he was dancing with looked excited to watch the fireworks, and the rest of the club held it's breath as Naruto raised his hand and dumped the entire drink on Sasuke's head. Sasuke screamed like a girl as the alcohol began to run down his outfit and bring down his spikes.  
The girl pulled back, disgusted at the mess, and stared at Naruto."Mind explaining why you dumped your drink down him?" She coolly asked.  
"It might have something to do with that fact that I thought he was my boyfriend, and instead he's out here practically fucking some tramp." He replied, just as coolly. Then he turned on his heel, found the redhead and the other boy, and raised an eyebrow. "So, my place or one of yours?" With a small smirk, the redhead replied, "Mine I think." The threesome then made their way out the door, as Sasuke stood there watching his lover leave.  


* * *

Review pl0x! It lets me know someone cares/is out there.


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